蜜桃传媒

Steve Pemberton chatted with students prior to addressing the Class of 2020 at First Year Academic Convocation on September 8. (Lee Pellegrini)

What does it mean to you to be the first alumnus to speak to students at First Year Convocation?

What an honor just to address the freshman class. But to be the first alumnus, given the University鈥檚 long and storied history, is a very humbling thing. It鈥檚 also illustrative of how things come full circle. I arrived on this campus as a freshman still trying to figure out some things that most 18-year-olds had figured out: Where鈥檚 home, family, faith, identity? I came here still trying to figure out where I stood in the world. I remember how vivid those experiences were 鈥� and questions that were on my mind I suspect are also on the minds of the first-year students. 聽

You鈥檝e said Boston College was the only place you wanted to attend, after having seen a brochure in the seventh grade. But when you arrived, the transition wasn鈥檛 as smooth as you would have hoped. Talk about that experience.

Some of it was my own lack of understanding of what it meant to be a college student. I still remember asking my roommate in freshman year, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 a GPA?聽 What鈥檚 a syllabus?鈥� I didn鈥檛 know any of the basics. I had gotten admitted on, very likely, a raw intellect and my grades of course. Then the social interactions were a real challenge. There were some things I saw, particularly early on, that just didn鈥檛 resonate with me at all. So you combine that with no sense of foundation and no one for me to go talk to about these kinds of challenges. There were some tough discussions.

I remember having debates with my dorm mates about affirmative action, and the insinuation I was there because of affirmative action. That wasn鈥檛 true, but initially it was a struggle. At the time I didn鈥檛 have the ability to convey that I had arrived here from an experience most of my classmates did not have.

Nor that they would ever want.

It鈥檚 interesting, I recently had somebody who felt being around me was being in my shadow. At one point I said, 鈥淲hatever light you think is on me, you would not want to have paid the price to have that light on you, if that鈥檚 what you think it is.鈥� It鈥檚 not an even exchange to say, 鈥淲ell, you have a degree of success and accomplishment. You can have all those things but we鈥檙e going to take away your mother and father and any sense of home, siblings.鈥� Would you make that trade? No, nobody would make that trade. So whatever light you assume you鈥檇 have came from experiences that you wouldn鈥檛 want. Nobody signs up for that. No parent wants it for their child; no individual wants that for themselves. But you do persevere through it. I think there鈥檚 something instructive about that, too.

What lessons did you learn at Boston College that you still use today?

The sense of a greater collective, that despite everything I had lost, I still had a responsibility and ability to change the arc of others鈥� lives. I was never able to feel sorry for myself.

Never?

Never. I was working one summer with the custodial crew and had a discussion with some of the guys one day. They asked me about family background and I said, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 have any family.鈥� They said, 鈥淲e understand that, but you are still here and you鈥檝e got it all, despite what you鈥檝e lost. You鈥檝e got an opportunity to correct all of this.鈥� It was like they were talking to a much younger version of themselves as they were talking to me. They told me, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e really fortunate, despite it all, to be here.鈥�

Part of you had thought about leaving school 鈥� you even jokingly said to the crew, 鈥淗ey let me work with you guys next fall as a custodian on campus.鈥�

Oh yeah, and they let me have it. They weren鈥檛 playing around either.聽 They made it clear in no uncertain terms that working with them was not an option. I hadn鈥檛 intended on offending them, and not that they took it as an offense, but what they were saying was, 鈥淲e have greater expectations for you than perhaps even you realize are available to you.鈥�

I think that was probably the first time I realized that, 鈥淗ey, wait a minute. There is a life experience that I鈥檝e had here, a way in which I see the world, a way in which I can think, move, and operate that鈥檚 a bit different.鈥� I think faster and can get to a solution faster but that was a function of survival. You have to wake up every day wondering, 鈥淗ow am I going to eat today? How am I going to be safe today?鈥�

So you fast-forward all these years later and I really quickly say, 鈥淪o what鈥檚 our challenge? What鈥檚 our solution?鈥� It鈥檚 the one-third, two-third rule. One third was, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the challenge?鈥� Two thirds were, 鈥淗ow do we solve it?鈥� And when you distribute your energy that way, it makes a big difference.

I think you ought to devote yourself to causes and commitments that have nothing to do with you. It鈥檚 just not about your tribe; it鈥檚 about a broader collective, too, because there鈥檚 something valuable and instructive, something you take away from that.

What message you do hope students come away with from reading A Chance in the World?

I wrote the book for several reasons. Most of them are not evident at first glance. I did not write it as a cathartic exercise to heal from all things that had been lost because there鈥檚 a hard truth when you lose that much that early. There is no way to replace that. At that age, it鈥檚 a cavernous void in you. Nor was it really an exercise of me saying, 鈥淟et me show you how lucky you are.鈥� I wasn鈥檛 even thinking that way. I was trying to tell a more universal story about family, that it鈥檚 much broader and wider than you imagine. About faith, fortitude, and forgiveness. The ability to build a new beginning, to be the hero of your own story. And most importantly, for future generations of my own family, to realize that there鈥檚 a lot that鈥檚 been invested in you for my children, and their children, and their children. There was this man once who decided he could right the wrongs that he inherited and that those very experiences actually gave him the power and the ability to do that. That is a very different narrative than 鈥淲oe is me.鈥�

What else will you be telling the Class of 2020?

Something that I do want to talk to them about is something that happened after I wrote the book. And it was the stories of other people鈥檚 lives who wrote me afterwards, the things they did and continue to do at a certain stage of their life to find a fulfilled life. They pause with moments of reflection to look at what鈥檚 around them. They fight, they take stands, not necessarily for a specific cause or principle 鈥� that only descends us into tribalism 鈥� but for a greater good and a more common story. They make a big leap at some point and they鈥檙e not entirely sure of whether or not they鈥檙e going to actually land.

Lastly, something I read from Tennyson describing Ulysses. It鈥檚 a small phrase but he says, 鈥淪hine in use.鈥� Not 鈥渟hine,鈥� but 鈥渟hine in use.鈥� Whatever skills, strengths, talents, abilities that have brought this freshman class here are not necessarily for them; they are to be used for others. So in that way, your gifts are like your struggles; they鈥檙e not really for you, they鈥檙e for somebody else.

One more message: the importance of finding common ground. The reason we don鈥檛 do it is because it鈥檚 hard. It鈥檚 hard to give up some of your part to be part of the whole. But when you come here to Boston College that should be expected of you.聽聽聽聽聽 聽

Your book details the horrors of your childhood: searching for food in garbage, emotional and physical abuse, neglect. How was it that you didn鈥檛 become angry or withdrawn? What was the fire that kept burning to succeed and overcome, despite all those obstacles?

It was two things. One was a love of reading. Reading gave me a little bit more than just the technical abilities that come with reading as much as I did. It actually follows that you write, speak, express and articulate yourself with some semblance of success. Reading gave me something higher and more important 鈥� the vision and values of a life beyond the one that I was in. So that was really, really important to me.

Also, I loved the fight. I loved the idea that it was me against them. And I 鈥� armed just with my vision for a different life and a box of books given to me by a neighbor 鈥� and my weapons were going to defeat them and their weapons. There were small things I took great power from. If I stole food from my foster family鈥檚 kitchen, that was an enormous victory, not just because I was going to be able to eat that day but because I had beaten them. 聽

You鈥檙e a voice of hope for the disadvantaged and marginalized children. When you meet with them, what do you say to boost their morale?

There鈥檚 something in particular that I say that鈥檚 really important. My first message to them is, 鈥淚 am you. Just a little bit older and not nearly as beautiful. Don鈥檛 look at me as someone exceptional or extraordinary, or born with some gift or talent that you don鈥檛 have. If you walk away thinking that, then you鈥檝e missed the point of the story entirely.鈥� It鈥檚 not false humility on my part because I know they have that whispering in their soul that says a new beginning is possible and they ought to sail towards that. And believe that it is actually possible to create a new beginning.

鈥淎 chance in the world鈥� 鈥� that was not said of me in a positive way. It was, 鈥淣ot a shot. He didn鈥檛 have a chance.鈥� But a lot of us say that of another. We say that to ourselves sometimes. You know, a class we want to take, an internship we want to pursue. And we think, 鈥淣o, not a chance. No.鈥� But what if you inverted that and said, 鈥淲hat if all I really need is a chance?鈥� It鈥檚 a very different way of looking at things.

Now, it doesn鈥檛 mean that that chance is going to come to fruition; that鈥檚 not the point. The point is to make the leap. You make the leap, even when you鈥檙e not sure. That鈥檚 the victory. Some of these first-year students may be thinking about a company they want to create, a campaign they want to run 鈥� something that at first glance, society tells them, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e not ready for that yet.鈥� So leap. And so what if it doesn鈥檛 quite land the way that you want it to? That鈥檚 a lot more important.

Whatever skills, strengths, talents, abilities that have brought this freshman class here are not necessarily for them; they are to be used for others. So in that way, your gifts are like your struggles; they鈥檙e not really for you, they鈥檙e for somebody else.

One more message: the importance of finding common ground. The reason we don鈥檛 do it is because it鈥檚 hard. It鈥檚 hard to give up some of your part to be part of the whole. But when you come here to Boston College that should be expected of you.

You founded "A Chance in the World," which focuses on connecting people in need with those who will provide it for them. You also set up the Pemberton Fund for the Future with the Home for Little Wanderers to help kids who are aging out of the foster care system. What are other ways you鈥檝e chosen to let the disadvantaged know that there鈥檚 hope and help?

There are also the New Yorkers for Children and the United Friends for Children in California. With those two organizations, we have actually created internship programs at Walgreens because I know what it鈥檚 like to age out of the system. At that point in your life, there are only one of two options. Going to college is very difficult. Less than three percent of kids who age out of the system go on to college, and less than one percent of them graduate. Sobering numbers. The other option is employment.

So what if we could introduce them to the world of work early on? So yes, I have my non-profit and philanthropic commitments. I鈥檓 also chair of the board of the United States Business Leadership Network, a consortium of companies focused on employing people with disabilities. I don鈥檛 have a disability and my children don鈥檛, but I think you ought to devote yourself to causes and commitments that have nothing to do with you. It鈥檚 just not about your tribe; it鈥檚 about a broader collective, too, because there鈥檚 something valuable and instructive, something you take away from that.

Bernie鈥檚 Book Bank is a great non-profit that puts books in the hands of children and you鈥檇 understand why I would support that, because that鈥檚 how important books were to me. And Chance in the World, which [my wife] Tonya and I have founded, is built around the premise of small things, whether you need a trunk for college or an application fee or a box of books. We keep going back to the things that made such an impact on me and who gave them to me, just average, everyday ordinary people.

Despite your success, you鈥檝e said your most important title is being a father, and that by being a father, your three children have given you a childhood. 聽

Every day is some way, shape, or form I have my interactions with them. I brought my son to basketball practice at 5 a.m. yesterday. We didn鈥檛 talk much 鈥� he doesn鈥檛 talk that much in the morning 鈥� but I鈥檓 there. I read to my daughter at night, help my youngest son with homework, coach my other son鈥檚 football team. It was never hard for me to be a father. I never once wondered, 鈥淲ould I be any good at this?鈥� because you hear so often of people who are not.

I always thought about being a dad because I know what it鈥檚 like not to have one. So all I鈥檓 doing on a daily basis is I鈥檓 simply being what I never was. I think you can be that because of the void that鈥檚 in you. I walk through this world and I still don鈥檛 know what it鈥檚 like to have a mother and a father. That鈥檚 not part of my experience. I can鈥檛 describe it, I don鈥檛 know what that feels like, and I couldn鈥檛 tell you. But my kids do. And that in a way was healing for me.

In May of 2015, you received an honorary degree from Boston College. Tell us about that experience.

When I graduated from Boston College in 1989, I remember walking across the stage and there was nobody there. No mother, father, no semblance of family whatsoever. In fact, as I was walking around campus, people kept asking me to take pictures of their family. I remember thinking back to my graduation day over the years and saying, 鈥淚t鈥檚 too bad that things unfolded like that because that never happens again.鈥� Well, I got that wrong, because in May of 2015 there I was, graduating from the University again. This time my family was there, the one that I had created.

You wrote in the book about the bathroom mirror, that 鈥渕agnificent piece of glass that kept its secrets.鈥� When you look in the mirror now, what do you see?

I still see that same boy, actually. I still see his dreams. Sometimes, in the quiet of my own heart, I think all of us do, I wish we could go back and talk to a younger version of you. And what would we say to a younger version of ourselves? If I could play the role of time traveler, armed with the resources I have today, would I pull me out of that situation knowing that nobody is going to miss me? Actually, I wouldn鈥檛. I鈥檇 leave me right where I was.

I envision that conversation, and knowing me at that age I would want to go. And I鈥檇 say, 鈥淣o, I鈥檓 going to leave you here because I know what鈥檚 going to happen, and what鈥檚 going to happen is that something greater than anything you can ever imagine. So I know you have all these dreams but they鈥檙e going to be even greater than that.鈥� There was always just me in the mirror but I think now I do see the reflections of my mother and father, and I see literally the physical presence of my wife and children.

When you look at where you are now, what goes through your mind? How do you conceptualize it all?

Well, man had his plan and God had his, and God鈥檚 plan won. There鈥檚 really no other explanation for that. I was just a boy. I wasn鈥檛 any wiser in the ways of the world than any child is, and things continually broke the right way at the right time. That to me is evidence of a higher hand. You can call that hand whatever you want to. I don鈥檛 subscribe to this idea that I鈥檓 exceptional or that I did something that only a few people can do. I hear from too many people who get from where they are with whatever they have. They do the best they can with whatever they have. I wouldn鈥檛 consider that exceptional but perhaps to some it absolutely is.

If you hadn鈥檛 lived your life, would you believe it?

No. If somebody came along to me and said, 鈥淗ey look, you have to get through this and let me show you how, but also show you what鈥檚 to come,鈥� I鈥檇 say, 鈥淓xplain that to me.鈥�

When I graduated in 1989, if someone said to me, 鈥淲ell, you know, you鈥檙e going to be back here more than 20 years later and your family is going to be here and you鈥檒l graduate again,鈥� I鈥檇 wonder, 鈥淗ow鈥檚 that going to happen?鈥� There鈥檚 still that small chord in me that said this was clearly part of God鈥檚 plan. I could descend into this kind of 鈥渟trength of the I鈥� narrative, that I鈥檓 exceptional, and I actually find that it鈥檚 kind of humorous to me. I think early on, I think as God does with all of us, He uses chapters and stories of our lives as an opportunity to help somebody better their life. There is really no other explanation.

I thought with the way things unfolded, He wanted me to live this life so that my parents would know that their lives actually did mean something after all. And I suspect wherever they are, their spirits are saying, 鈥淲e didn鈥檛 get this right, but we did do something good after all.鈥�

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